To the world, I seem fearless. They see what I've overcome to get where I am today. They see that I do hard things every single day. They see that I can travel across the world on my own and speak in front of hundreds of people with a moment's notice. They see that I am strong, capable, determined, tenacious, and skilled--and I am. I couldn't be where I am today emotionally, financially, spiritually, or otherwise if I hadn't been so strong.
But what people don't see is that while I am strong, I am also incredibly scared. My accomplishments have largely been the product of my own efforts. Until recently, I did not have any sort of healthy support system, so I relied completely and totally on my own best efforts (which at best weren't that great)--and constantly relying on only myself engendered lonliness and fear because I knew my limitations so I was in a continual state of panic that at any moment I would fail.
I have allowed fear to talk me out of too many good things in my life -- and from even attempting to try to do things. When I assess a situation and see that I lack (skills, knowledge, opportunity...whatever it is), Fear tells me that I shouldn't even try, that I should avoid this situation because the risk of "failure" is too high. I have believed that voice because it seemed reasonable; it seemed to have my best good at heart and wanted to prevent additional hurt and pain in my life. However, I realized that that is NOT the case: Fear is from Satan--and Satan NEVER has our best good at heart!
So, even though I'm not good at ignoring the Fear (or the "Yelling Voice" as Judy and I call it) and doing things I'm afraid to do, I am going to do it anyway. I cannot continue to live my life in fear of the unknown, to run away from things that scare me. To combat this fear and create a new way of living, I determined that 2010 will be for me a Year of NO FEAR. I have made a list of things that scare me, and one by one, I will face them and conquer them.
This is my report. Good job, thank you very much, amen.